I loved this article so much! I think we mothers can all relate. I can remember holding my first baby trying to get him to stop crying. I was feeling frustrated and I started just picturing throwing him down the stairs (I know that sounds horrible!), but just going through how I would feel IF I really did that, calmed me down and gave me patience to continue trying to soothe him.
For the obsolete--I miss milk boxes and the milkman. I recently learned that my farm dairy, that we all knew and loved was sold several years ago and the land is now becoming a housing development. :-( It is such a happy memory for me to remember getting the milk out of the milkbox (in bottles!) and if we needed extra for company, all we had to do was put a note out and he would leave more. Such simpler times!
Hey Bex, so interesting you brought up mom frustration, or some call it rage, I'm working on a piece for the washington post about how more movies and television are getting into that side of motherhood--fictionally so it's more extreme than real life but fascinating. .Like the Lost Daughter, a film with Olivia Coleman, and based on an Elena Ferrante. And there was a novel last summer called Nightbitch which was about a new mom who feels like she's turning into a dog, literally. The milk man!! The milk fresh like that tasted so much better. There's a place near here where you can buy milk in bottles fresh, and it's so good, expensive though so we don't do it often. It's a sense memory.
Will you let me know when your piece is published? I would love to read it. Nightbitch...it is on my list to read. I am a librarian and just can't find time to read. LOL! We can get dairy fresh milk in bottles (I live in MN so it's easy!) at our grocery store and the local farmers market, but yes, expensive so I don't do it often either.
Another essay that pulls back the covers on the heart.
I think kids develop resilience by being allowed to have the bumps that come naturally, without being (overly) protected. Give a child a safe place to bring fears and hurts, but don't prevent them.
Parents need deep insight and good judgment to know what bumps are ok and what needs shielding. Mostly, I think, we need to know what our kids can handle and where their resilience stops.
"pulls back the covers on the heart" you're a writer Dave... :) Thank you thank you. It's so hard to find exactly that balance, I go over different moments with the kids and wonder will they only remember the times I messed up, but I think on the whole they were allowed enough freedom. Also depends heavily on the kid, so you start treating one kid like you did the first, and they need different boundaries. So yeah, tall order.
Oh, I get that. But remember, for the most part your actions stick more firmly in your mind than in others'. Try apologizing to someone for something you did a few years ago. Most likely they won't remember, or will slough it off as meaningless - a reaction nothing like the guilt and recrimination you've been carrying all this time.
Unless you've done something really outrageous, your kids will love you for the person you are. Trust in how they treat you. If they take you for granted with no fear in their eyes, ya done good. (That would be my guess.)
PS: Thanks for the "writer" compliment. Words come easy; discipline, not so much.
Good point. Was just talking about that with my daughter yesterday, we make up stories about what people think and feel about us, and most of the time, it's not about us. And I feel you on this: Words come easy; discipline, not so much. Oy.
I know.... me too. They were the best and I know people have given that show some flack, but now that they've done all the awkward set up stuff, it could be great. Cause you know what? Middle aged people get divorced, and people you know die, and friends drift off, and heck, it's not even middle age unless you live to 110, so this is life.
I loved the motherhood article! I was so afraid as a young mother! Somehow, over the years, I have learned to be more hopeful about our children’s resilience. I do worry about this pandemic and the aftershocks on the younger children….
Aw, thank you so much Wendy. I worry about the pandemic kids too. The mental health aspect is rough, but the good thing is that they won't necessarily remember it the way we think. I remember my dad talking about living though world war ii as a kid. He didn't understand the larger picture, he remembered being hungry, but also kid things, liked finding treasures in the rubble of the city , or meeting soldiers who gave him gum, it was all he knew. And thank god, he didn't lose anyone, but his dad was in a work camp for years, it's just that he didn't know any different.
I loved this article so much! I think we mothers can all relate. I can remember holding my first baby trying to get him to stop crying. I was feeling frustrated and I started just picturing throwing him down the stairs (I know that sounds horrible!), but just going through how I would feel IF I really did that, calmed me down and gave me patience to continue trying to soothe him.
For the obsolete--I miss milk boxes and the milkman. I recently learned that my farm dairy, that we all knew and loved was sold several years ago and the land is now becoming a housing development. :-( It is such a happy memory for me to remember getting the milk out of the milkbox (in bottles!) and if we needed extra for company, all we had to do was put a note out and he would leave more. Such simpler times!
Hey Bex, so interesting you brought up mom frustration, or some call it rage, I'm working on a piece for the washington post about how more movies and television are getting into that side of motherhood--fictionally so it's more extreme than real life but fascinating. .Like the Lost Daughter, a film with Olivia Coleman, and based on an Elena Ferrante. And there was a novel last summer called Nightbitch which was about a new mom who feels like she's turning into a dog, literally. The milk man!! The milk fresh like that tasted so much better. There's a place near here where you can buy milk in bottles fresh, and it's so good, expensive though so we don't do it often. It's a sense memory.
Will you let me know when your piece is published? I would love to read it. Nightbitch...it is on my list to read. I am a librarian and just can't find time to read. LOL! We can get dairy fresh milk in bottles (I live in MN so it's easy!) at our grocery store and the local farmers market, but yes, expensive so I don't do it often either.
Another essay that pulls back the covers on the heart.
I think kids develop resilience by being allowed to have the bumps that come naturally, without being (overly) protected. Give a child a safe place to bring fears and hurts, but don't prevent them.
Parents need deep insight and good judgment to know what bumps are ok and what needs shielding. Mostly, I think, we need to know what our kids can handle and where their resilience stops.
Talk about tall orders.
"pulls back the covers on the heart" you're a writer Dave... :) Thank you thank you. It's so hard to find exactly that balance, I go over different moments with the kids and wonder will they only remember the times I messed up, but I think on the whole they were allowed enough freedom. Also depends heavily on the kid, so you start treating one kid like you did the first, and they need different boundaries. So yeah, tall order.
Oh, I get that. But remember, for the most part your actions stick more firmly in your mind than in others'. Try apologizing to someone for something you did a few years ago. Most likely they won't remember, or will slough it off as meaningless - a reaction nothing like the guilt and recrimination you've been carrying all this time.
Unless you've done something really outrageous, your kids will love you for the person you are. Trust in how they treat you. If they take you for granted with no fear in their eyes, ya done good. (That would be my guess.)
PS: Thanks for the "writer" compliment. Words come easy; discipline, not so much.
Good point. Was just talking about that with my daughter yesterday, we make up stories about what people think and feel about us, and most of the time, it's not about us. And I feel you on this: Words come easy; discipline, not so much. Oy.
I cried during that scene in Paris. I think the last two episodes were the best. ❤️
I know.... me too. They were the best and I know people have given that show some flack, but now that they've done all the awkward set up stuff, it could be great. Cause you know what? Middle aged people get divorced, and people you know die, and friends drift off, and heck, it's not even middle age unless you live to 110, so this is life.
p.s. Have you watched Call My Agent on Netflix? Good dose of Paris, and so many famous older French actresses do cameos it's fun.
I loved the motherhood article! I was so afraid as a young mother! Somehow, over the years, I have learned to be more hopeful about our children’s resilience. I do worry about this pandemic and the aftershocks on the younger children….
Aw, thank you so much Wendy. I worry about the pandemic kids too. The mental health aspect is rough, but the good thing is that they won't necessarily remember it the way we think. I remember my dad talking about living though world war ii as a kid. He didn't understand the larger picture, he remembered being hungry, but also kid things, liked finding treasures in the rubble of the city , or meeting soldiers who gave him gum, it was all he knew. And thank god, he didn't lose anyone, but his dad was in a work camp for years, it's just that he didn't know any different.