Listen now (30 mins) | A new book challenges modern sexual ethics and asks why we put up with terrible (consensual) sex.
People respond to social cues about sex while creating them. My generation was on the cusp of Free Love and Flower Power. In the 60s my parents were going to free love from the constraints of marriage and long term bonding only to find that that bonding mattered. Except for the HIV scare that kept most people afraid, sex has become the lead to relationships rather than the icing on a great cake. People treated relationships like ordering from McDonalds from the 1990s-2010’s. Grab and app, swipe left until you find what you want to order. Swipe right. Drive forward to the pickup window and dive in. By the time you’ve gotten home, it is sitting like a lump in your stomach and already starting to widen the hips.
More and more advice is coming out about the sexual economy. To have value in the economy, you need to be hard to get. Readily available is McDonalds. Filets take a while to cultivate and prepare. It took a long time to remember grandmother’s advice “Keep a penny between your knees for the entire date”
A fascinating interview about a timeless topic. From an older person's point of view, I can say that ideas about sex and what it should and shouldn't be has changed constantly in my lifetime. I can only add that it is a very individual concern and it also can change as one progresses though life. Many thanks for an exceedingly interesting review.
Oh my, this hits close to home. For most of my life I've believed that the body is the heart's representative, every bit like parents being their children's representatives. In both models there is protection and care. If a parent behaves without regard to a child's welfare, both the parent and the child suffer. Likewise, if a person behaves without regard to his or her own heart, the karmic result will be suffering. Casual sex is behavior without regard to the heart. I don't believe it's possible, as Emba suggests, to love a person for one night. It takes time and connection and real care for love to develop.
I've never had a one night stand, though I have violated my own principle of being careful about my own and the other person's heart. So much more can be said, but not in this medium.
Thank you for - once again - touching this heart that yearns for connection.