Why effortless self-assurance is a myth we should let go of.
Not sure i get the "effortlessly." Iam what I am naturally, and the effort is to be something more than I am. Hopefully for the better.
But regardless, I don't understand the need to proclaim, especially to total stranger passersby. If you need to flaunt it, maybe you don't really got it afterall.
Or....could be it's just a handbag.
I don’t know anyone who can say they go thru Life “EFFORTLESSLY” it’s a great ideal but we all have days we see defects in the mirror, clothes that don’t fit quite right, traffic so we’re delayed, an unexpected medical crisis. Life is difficult enough at times to add the burden of “EFFORTLESSLY” to it!!! If I saw someone carrying that bag, I’d wonder if she’s trying to convince herself or impress the world.
Thanks for the shower laugh, and for the reflection . Oddly, life does seem easier when we recognize the effort required. Love your humanity. Wish I could go to the writing retreat. Out of town that week.
Until we've resolved our family of origin issues - the ones that render us something less than worthy - we'll struggle to be self-assured. If and when we work through our old stuff, when we know beyond thinking that we are truly enough, then self-assurance - or rather, self-esteem and self-confidence - is no longer an issue.
Of course, I'm laying out a pretty tall order, but it's true.
My sense is that if someone has to proclaim their self-assuredness, there's actually a weak and frightened person underneath. True self-confidence doesn't need and isn't interested in arrogance or braggadocio; it's quiet because it's self-contained.
After decades of work, I can say it's probably a project with no end. Works for me.
I recently read something about today's models and how they actually represent "real" women. I was raised in the era of "you must be thin AND beautiful" to survive. I am amazed at how comfortable girls are these days and not so worried about what others think. I am now in my mid-fifties and I hate getting older. I find a new wrinkle or I just look older in pictures and I don't like it. It seems like I have always been judged by my looks in some way, shape or form; even when I was little. I remember my uncle describing my siblings and me. My oldest sister was the homemaker, my brother was the boy, my middle sister was the athlete and he described me as just cute. I had no other worthwhile attribute other than being cute. Later, I was told that I was more than just a pretty face--that I actually had a brain. I think that has been more of a detriment than anything else--I was intimidating more because I was smart rather than pretty.
Again, I am in my fifties and I am finally [more] comfortable in my skin. I don't feel the need to put on makeup to go to the grocery store as I did in my 20's. I don't feel like I have to impress anyone anymore, but when I do feel that need it takes longer. I now have to cover up age spots on my face.
I doubt I will ever have effortless self-assurance, but I will quit caring what other people think of me entirely. I am looking forward to my 60's, though I is still several years away.
Life is ongoing. We can wait. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. 🌷
On the other hand, Woody Allen said, “ My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”
Such is life. No problem. Deal with the health issues as needed. We've all been there. And again, another creative column enjoyed!
The table with "value most" for men & women is interesting. I wonder if "being family oriented" isn't greater than 5% for women because it goes without saying. Also, there is considerable synergy among the various attributes, e.g.: ambition, hard work & intelligence all contribute to business success.
(It is unfortunate that it is difficult if not impossible to get an objective assessment of these attributes for political office seekers in addition to their statement.)